My Doughnut Hole: It's a New Season!

My Doughnut Hole: The 20 Commandments

Confess! You've been waiting for this and losing sleep over this since last October. But it's here at last! Fantasy Baseball 2006 is here. I'm embarrassed to say how many years now I've conducted this, but one only has to look at the Holy Ball to get the idea, and it predates that!
Anyone can join, regardless of political persuasion. After all, liberal Democrats are the true compassionate group.

But first, the newbies have to be introduced to this ridiculous waste of time, so, here are the rules, after which I will post the prices for this year's catchers.

1 The Ann and Melissa George Fantasy Baseball League (the name changes every year) is composed of an even-numbered set of teams, under a split-season format, unless there are 12 or more teams. Assuming the split-season format, the team with the best W-L record after the All-Star Break will meet the 2nd half champion in as many games as the real World Series lasts to determine the League Championship.

2 In the event the same team wins both halves, the team with the 2nd best overall W-L Pct. over both halves goes to the League Championship. That's how the present champion, Amy Gunnin George, snuck in. The winner of that Championship, signs the Holy Ball, which is nothing more than a dirty, ol' Southern League baseball, that's been signed by previous champions. What more do you want? You're too cheap to pitch in for prize money.

3 Teams are stocked usually on the last weekend in March by means of a draft, to be held at the newsroom of Channel 19, cause I'm supposed to be at work, and most of the owners work there. If you don't, call, and I'll let you in.

4 Draft order is done out of the Holy Hat.

5 Each team drafts one player at each position and five pitchers. I thought about changing it to four, but that means I'd have to lower the salary cap, and I don't know if I'm going to do that. This is a no DH league and you can have any combination of starters/relievers. Draft ends when your positions are filled.

6 You can't just fill your damn team up with superstars. You must stick to a salary cap of $300 (unless I go with four pitchers). If you go over after the draft or during the season, I reserve the right to lower it for you! Why? Because I am Commissioner Gimpy! And I do all the work!

7 That's right. All the work you do during the season is draft your players. But if you expect to stick around for the post-season, you should keep up with how your players are doing. You do have rights, though. You can make one move/trade a week, with some exceptions I'll get to later. If your 2nd baseman isn't hitting or driving in or scoring runs, which the scoring is heavy on, you can dump him for someone else, provided you stay at or under the salary cap.

8 The exceptions are a) if any of your players wind up on the official disabled list. You can exchange him at any time, then take him back at your expressed wish. b) if any of your players get optioned to the minors, c) quits, or d) is captured by Al Quida

9 Prices are set by me, based somewhat loosely on The Sporting News Fantasy Baseball magazine on the newsstands every year. No one will cost more than $50, and there is no guarantee there will be a $50 player every year. They go all the way down to zero, which means, they're free, and it usually means, they're not worth a crap.

10 Everyone should try to print out a copy of the prices at commissionergimpy.blogspot.com

11 Each team must have a team nickname that is offensive to all Republicans.

12 You don't have to worry about scoring. I do that. Scoring is based on actual player performances. If this league comes down to 10 teams, the five best point totals of the day get a win. The rest get a loss.

13 For a day to count in the standings, at least four games in each league in real life have to be played. If four games are being played in one league and only three in the other. The day won't count in the standings, but point totals for that day will still be kept and the teams with the best weekly totals will get a win.

14 SCORING (BATTERS)
Run = 2
RBI = 2
Single = 1
Double = 2
Triple = 3
Home Run = 4
Stolen base = 1
Caught stealing = -1
Walk = 1
Strikeout = -1
Hit by pitch = 1
Hits into DP = -2

15 SCORING (PITCHERS )
Win = 5
Loss = -5
Save = 5
Blown save = -5
Hold = 3
Innings = 1 per out
Strikeout = 1
Walk = -1
Wild Pitches = -1
Balk = -1
Hit Batter = -1
Complete game = 3
Shutout (pitcher must go 9 IP, unless it's a 7 inning game) = 7

16 SCORING (FIELDING)
Error = -1
Catcher throws out runner att. to steal = 1
Passed ball = 1

17 SCORING (BONUSES)
Perfect game = 15
No-hitter = 10
One-hitter = 8
Two-hitter = 6
Four hits in a game or more = 1 per hit
3 HRs in a game = 8
4 HRs in a game = 15
Hits for the cycle = 15

18 Ties will be decided by the sum of each team`s best pitcher and hitter on that day. Who has the most, gets a win in the standings that day

19 The fantasy season begins with the first full slate of AL and NL games. Daily scores and standings will be posted via e-mail

20 Powers not delegated to Commissioner Gimpy, nor prohibited by these bylaws, are reserved to Commission Gimpy anyway, cause, once again, Commissioner Gimpy does all the work.